In a shocking move by the University of Virginia, President Jim Ryan announced Tuesday that every student must wear a helmet when attending football games to protect against the threat of a piece of equipment flying off the field and hitting a student in the head.
“We’re all in this together,” stated Ryan in an interview on Thursday, commenting that “helmets are the best way to prevent the spread of equipment-related injuries among crowd members.”
The mandate will go into effect beginning September 4, the date of UVA’s first football game. The UVA Athletics Department has issued a statement which includes the requirement for “every student, regardless of athlete status, to wear a football helmet while in attendance of UVA football games.”
The university has also announced that any student who is not in compliance with the new helmet policy will be disenrolled from fall classes, noting that safety is “a higher priority than any of our students’ camaraderie or happiness.”
An interview with Bronco Mendenhall, UVA’s head football coach, revealed that Mendenhall is “excited” at this new rule. “I have seen first-hand the threat of equipment-related injuries, and am glad that President Ryan is taking the necessary steps to keep students safe,” said Mendenhall on Thursday. He finished his statement by applauding the university for this “brave though mostly unnecessary step in ensuring the full safety of its students.”
Did I stumble onto the Babylon Bee by mistake?
Great beginning!
Keep it up
If UVA had kept the Pep Band, they wouldn’t need satiric stories like the above.
(sigh)
I miss the Pep Band.
The immature and ignorant anarchists who write profanity on their Lawn Room doors would lapse into shock watching the Pep Band’s antics (of the 70s & 80s). Those were the days.
This could possibly be the stupidest thing I remember happening at the University in recent years! To support the reasoning for this decision, I would expect that there have been numerous serious incidents at the University. I find it hard to understand what “equipment” accidents there could be at a football game. The only thing I can think of is someone getting hit with a football after an extra point or field goal. If there isn’t a net behind the goalpost, there should be one, not helmets for all students!
I predict that a lot of students will not attend the games, which will be a tragedy! Also, if the danger is so great, what about non-students attending the games? Do you not care about them?
I mourn the common sense that use to be the rule at the University!