After two years attending Virginia Tech, Blacksburg native Zach Wilson has made the decision to transfer to the University of Virginia as an incoming third-year to complete his degree in economics. After months of observing how UVA students consistently trash the University on and offline, he now feels like he will fit in among like-minded peers.
“When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was attend Virginia Tech. When I was applying to colleges, UVA was an option because I had the grades, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of being in a place that I hated so much, so I chose Tech,” he stated.
“But over the past year, I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how similarly UVA students and I regard that wretched place. I thought they loved their school and respected their history, and I thought they were really grateful to be studying at one of the top universities in America. But boy was I wrong! Now I really feel like I can fit in.”
Wilson stated that seeing pictures of the “F— UVA” sign on the Lawn convinced him to finally accept his offer of admission.
“When that happened, I couldn’t believe my eyes! I thought ‘there’s no way this is real,’ but lo and behold, there it was! And I accepted,” he exclaimed, still in partial disbelief.
“I’ve been saying the exact same thing to my friends and family for years whenever they bring up UVA. I’m just glad I’ll finally be able to give UVA the bird in person, now,” he said with a wink.
When Wilson arrives to Grounds in August, he plans on wearing a handmade Commonwealth Cup costume to all of his classes and making a pilgrimage to the Lawn signs everyday to pay respect.
Wilson did not immediately respond to The Tommyknocker for comment when asked whether or not he knew that a hokie was a castrated turkey.