It’s my first semester at the University of Virginia, but my second year of college. I transferred from Union College, a small school in upstate New York, for academic and financial reasons. Somehow, though, instead of moving closer to my home in Colorado, I ended up even farther away. Transferring is daunting—one moment, you think you’ve found your forever home; the next, you’re in an entirely new place without the comfort of orientation groups or the first-year experience to help you make friends, register for classes, or find housing. I scoured everywhere for guidance but found that resources for transfers were, to say the least, lacking.
Here are my three tips for surviving the social scene at UVA:
- Learn the lingo—but don’t stress if you forget
“Do you want to meet at the Corner and we’ll just go from there?”
“Sure! What corner?”
If you’re a transfer who didn’t do all the homework on UVA’s lingo before arriving, you’ve probably had this conversation. Everyone seems to know terms you don’t. Grounds—not campus; first-years—not freshmen. There’s the Lawn, the Corner, the Rotunda, and SNU—two SNUs, actually, and somehow everyone else knows the way to both.
At first, it feels overwhelming to memorize all the UVA-specific language. Once, a guy went on a rant during a date about how “cooked” I was because I’d written “sophomore” in my bio instead of “second-year.” I spent a good five minutes embarrassed and overwhelmed, wondering if I’d ever truly fit in.
But here’s the truth: lingo isn’t what makes a community. You’ll pick it up eventually, and when you forget, just let it go. People might tease you, but it doesn’t matter. Focus on building your place here; the words will come in time.
- Let FOMO be your guide
The fear of missing out (“FOMO”) is real, and as a transfer, it might be even more intense. You’ll probably feel exhausted from constantly putting yourself out there, meeting new people, and trying to make connections. Invited to an event but would rather sleep and decompress? Too bad—go anyway. Is there a football game tomorrow when it’s going to be 80 degrees? No one wants to sweat in that heat, but go anyway. Signed up for five clubs and don’t really like a single one? Attend their events anyway.
Here, going out often means Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday during the day—and I’ve never missed a single one, including Saturday nights. Yes, there are moments when it becomes exhausting. By 10:30 p.m., my social battery is drained, and I’d love nothing more than to relax. But I stay, and I never regret it.
FOMO can stir up anxiety, but it’s also a reminder to live fully. As a transfer, embracing FOMO isn’t about being everywhere all the time—it’s about saying yes to opportunities, even when it feels easier to say no.
- Friendship takes effort—get comfortable with vulnerability
The hardest part of socializing for me wasn’t learning the lingo, keeping up with parties, or making initial connections in clubs—it was keeping those connections alive. Friendships can sometimes feel routine, and the challenge was finding people willing to make an active effort to form new relationships when they already had their friend groups solidified.
It meant asking someone to get coffee or lunch, then asking again two weeks later, often feeling like the only one initiating. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to connect; they’re just not used to needing to. After all, for many of them, it’s not their freshman year anymore.
There were times I felt like I was begging people to like me, to be my friend. It was hard. At times, I felt like a beggar holding up a sign that said, “No friends—please donate some of your time.”
Making friends at this stage of life required me to do something I hated most: being vulnerable.
“Why is being vulnerable possibly the worst thing in the world? It’s like rubbing sandpaper against my brain—God, why does it hurt so much?” I asked my now-best friend Sera (who, at the time, was still a friend-in-progress).
She laughed. “Trying to be nonchalant in a platonic relationship is crazy.”
She was right. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about wanting to make friends. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned, it’s this: never take for granted the times in your life when someone wanted to be your friend, purely because they enjoyed your company.
- Building Your Place Takes Time
Transferring isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. You’ll feel like an outsider at first, but over time, the lingo, the connections, and the opportunities will fall into place. You’ll learn that it’s okay to make mistakes, to show up even when you feel out of place, and to put yourself out there—again and again—until you find your people.
It’s not about fitting in perfectly or getting everything right the first time. It’s about taking small, brave steps toward building your place in a new community. Keep showing up, keep trying, and keep believing that there’s room for you here—because there is.
For more information and advice on transferring, read my other articles on “Navigating Transferhood!”
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