Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a princess named Margaret who wasn’t your typical D1 Tinder user—she didn’t date around at all. You see, Princess Margaret was happily in love with her high school sweetheart, Prince Lyle. They set off to college with high hopes, dreaming of a fairytale future together. But, as it turns out, distance doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder; instead, it builds the sexual appetite of frat boys. Prince Lyle dumped Princess Margaret to embark on an adventure known as the “college experience”—a quest for an extra 20 bodies.
Two years later, I now view long-distance relationships the way I view dandelions: sweet, but ultimately nasty little weeds. Imagine my horror when I realized they had sprouted all around me, infecting my friends with visions of happily ever afters stretched across state lines. I reexamined my beliefs on the mythology of long distance relationships. Are long-distance relationships really worth it, or are people just settling?
ARTHUR AND THE LONG-DISTANCE BEANSTALK
Take Arthur, an engineering major who couldn’t do math to save his life, yet would go to any lengths for his girlfriend of four years, Kerensa—even climbing a beanstalk to see her (she’s about half a foot taller than him). They’ve been long-distance for two years, visiting each other regularly but never letting it disrupt their studies. They communicate with nothing but a glance, their connection almost magical. Breaking up? Unthinkable.
“Okay, but come on, you admit it would be better if you didn’t have to do long distance, right?” I asked him.
“That woman is a blessing in my life, I am f****** honored to have her in any way possible.”
Last July, during summer break, Arthur proposed to Kerensa on a beach in Jamaica. The wedding —while no date has been set—will undoubtedly happen. For Arthur, love alone made the distance worth it. But does love alone always suffice?
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN CALLS
Then there’s my best friend, Talia Wildrose. She’s hooked on long-distance relationships—almost like an enchantment she can’t shake. After a six-month run with one boyfriend, she called it off to “experience college more” right before summer. Three days before getting back for the fall term, she met a new guy, Ryder, and now they’ve been doing long-distance for months.
“But why?” I asked her. “Isn’t it hard?”
“Well, obviously, it’s hard,” she admitted. “But I love him, and I actually like having the freedom to focus on class and go out with friends without managing an in-person relationship.”
The idea that someone could prefer long-distance relationships shocked me. Later that night, back from the bars, she answered Ryder’s seventh call, listening to him cry about her going out made him feel insecure. Easier to manage, my ass. She paused to look up, smile, and wink at me, making a “yapping” motion with her hand. Maybe long distance relationships aren’t about being easy to manage but whether or not you could and enjoyed managing them. So love alone isn’t enough; long-distance takes patience too—a magical patience that only a few seem to have.
PARTYELLA AND THE GLASS CARD THAT FIT
And then there’s Serenity. Born with a fairy godmother’s blessing to charm any guy in sight, she rarely sees the same guy twice. Imagine my shock when I learned that this “serial hook-up artist” was calling and texting nightly with David, a boy from an all-boys college an hour away.
“I cannot begin to fathom why you’re doing this.”
“He literally sent me his credit card info for my Apple Pay—where am I gonna find a better man than that?”
“So what, are you going to make him your boyfriend?” I asked.
“Oh, hell no.” For Serenity, long distance has its limits. She might settle for it temporarily, until the clock strikes midnight and another Prince Charming is occupying her. Long distance wasn’t worth handing over her freedom.
BEAUTY AND THE BROKIE
Serenity wasn’t alone in flirting long-distance. Our friend Vivian is dating someone across country lines—a man she’s only mentioned while complaining— without ever actually telling us his name. He’s five years older, doesn’t chip in for flights, has poor hygiene, and has questionable habits in the bedroom. Not once have we heard a single redeeming quality.
“What makes it worth it?” I finally asked, genuinely curious.
“Well…he wants to get married someday. He’s serious and traditional,” she said.
Perhaps some long-distance relationships aren’t about true love at all but rather settling for the promise of a fairytale ending. Vivian paid fully for the plane ticket to visit him this Christmas break—an embarrassing fact she hid from her parents. Afterwards, he dumped her—only for her to talk him back into the relationship. Serenity and I asked her, “Why settle for someone who won’t even settle for you?” She couldn’t find an answer.
THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA-SIZED HEART
One day, I was helping my friend Nick Goldstein clean his room when I noticed him staring at a letter from his old high school girlfriend, with whom he had broken up before college. He couldn’t decide whether to keep it and handed it to me. It was the most heartfelt letter I’d ever read—filled with love, reassurance, and admiration. “Anyone would be lucky to be near you,” she wrote. “Envious of all the people who get to see you.” Nick admitted he still loved her.
“I don’t get it—so why’d you break up then?” I asked.
“Because of the long distance—who the hell wants to do that?”
For Nick, no amount of love was worth the strain of long distance. I handed the letter back. “Keep it. It can be nice to remember that at least at one point in time you were capable of being loved. Moving on doesn’t always mean erasing someone, sometimes it’s being okay with the fact you can’t.”
YOURS TRULY, LYLE
Hidden deep in the junk drawer in my dorm, I keep the letters Lyle wrote me. I read them once in a blue moon—not out of longing, but out of hope. You can love someone forever but never want them again. Princess Margaret and Prince Lyle may not have made it past the distance, but they each lived happily ever after—just not together. I knew if I wanted an answer to my question, I had to go to the very first source of my inquiry two years prior.
“This is for an article,” I texted him. “Long-distance relationships—worth it or do people just settle?”
“It can be worth it,” he replied, “but it depends…”
I didn’t have to ask: on what? I’d drawn my answer from everyone’s stories: It depends on whether the person is worth it, yes, but also whether we are. Long distance isn’t about how charming the Prince is—it’s about reality. A successful long-distance relationship takes patience, loyalty, and the ability to love someone beyond the fairytale version we think it should play out as in our heads. Because true love isn’t about waiting in a tower—it’s about building one strong enough to stand the distance.
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